Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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