We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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