I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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