Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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