he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
