Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
