I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
BRING THE BAGELS
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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