she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
