I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
