A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
