I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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