My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am in a vortex of obligation.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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