Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize