I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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