why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize