And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I want a musical about memes.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
