Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
