2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
