I just made out with a guy for $7.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
