i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
