somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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