We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
