Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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