That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
