Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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