So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
