mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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