make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
