Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize