The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i believe in u and ur pee
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