Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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