I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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