please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
