If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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