3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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