??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
