Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
