I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize