I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Randomize
