The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
