I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize