I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
