"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Drunk is not a location!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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