peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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