I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
