You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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