why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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