Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
