Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
