Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
