Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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