Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize