evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
