Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
