just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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