everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
