you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Pooping to opera.
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