if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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