i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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