And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
