I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I party with great urgency now.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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