i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
