when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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