dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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