hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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