You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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