Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
