absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
