I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
