i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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