ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
