what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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