If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
