I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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