John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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