I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I have post one night stand depression
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
