I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
