some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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