Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
