I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize