Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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